It's the end of a fucked up year, there's another one comin'....

Coldlife

2010-02-17T16:53:00.000-06:00

///Stay tuned///

Everything Must Go - - - Sat 7/11

2009-07-09T11:24:00.003-05:00

I am selling my record collection. I am not excited about this, but as the only thing of value I own, it needs to be done.

Here's a link for all of the pertinent info - mickeysellinghisrecords.blogspot.com

Record Review #1

2009-06-25T16:00:00.003-05:00

Weekend Nachos - Unforgivable

Review:

Hatebreed for nerds.

Greetings.

2009-06-12T15:53:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile, I know. I've been sucked into the world of Facebook. When your entire family migrates to some new medium you tend to follow. It's not the worst thing in the world, but it has the capacity to be. When the ability to "bedazzle" one's profile is granted then all the upper crust folks will move on.

I wrote a book. Well, almost. It's just about done.

Anyone know any publishers or folks working in publishing?

4.20.09

2009-04-20T12:29:00.000-05:00

Por Vou

4.3.09

2009-04-03T14:42:00.001-05:00

Heya.

Motherfuck a Facespace.

2009-03-23T12:21:00.003-05:00

Social networking is not my thing.

Worlds colliding is not my thing.

I signed up, hoping it would allow me to see shitty lady friends in swimsuits, you can't lurk?

Fuck that.

In real news. Second man made notch in my belt. Bike shopping. House plant bonanza. Coworker home movies. Getting stuff done.

Loving life? Me? What?

Saint Patrick's 2009

2009-03-17T09:46:00.003-05:00

We were in a parade.

Here's to you, Misses Robison

2009-03-12T08:37:00.001-05:00

Amira (sp?) Hazel:

3.6.9

2009-03-06T08:50:00.003-06:00

Maybe spoke too soon last time. Crashed out, sort of recovered. Working on something I'm sort of excited about. Kind of thing I could never have done before, or never finished anyways.

If I could be granted one wish, at all, it would be that I never have to say "tech support, this is Mike" ever again.

GBLOGBD

Baby Steps

2009-02-19T16:21:00.004-06:00

I never really wrote as much as I wallowed on paper... or on the screen such as the case may be. As such I don't write as much.

It's amazing what you can get done when y our entire being isn't consumed with crippling despair. Things aren't great, but they aren't terrible, and they are real.

Modest goals, modest steps, a new notch in my belt. Feel better than I have in a good long while.

Still lonely, but determined.
Still awkward, but trying.
Still angry, but focused.

Best Regards,
MJN

1.28.09

2009-01-28T15:08:00.001-06:00

1.27.09

2009-01-27T09:01:00.001-06:00

New Cans

2009-01-21T12:05:00.001-06:00

New headphones...

12.24.08

2008-12-24T10:00:00.002-06:00

It was raining. Now it's snowing.

Mullethead, Peaches and I are leaving around 1 for the Quad Cities. I'm hoping the weather is manageable. My goal is to make it in time to get to the store to buy myself some food. I've conditioned my family to not take me into consideration but then forgot that the stores will all be closed at 6, and I need to stock up on vegan nonsense. I am taking some contingency stuff, but I don't want to eat mashed potatos morning, noon and night.

I'll be hanging out at my Mom's Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Going to try to get my 77 year old Mom to play Rock Band 2, as well as my brothers and sisters. Christmas Night we go to my sisters, I think, and then back to my Mom's.

Saturday the 27th we're doing a bigger family party with my sister from Arkansas, my nephew and his new fiance and all the neices and nephews and friends and stuff.

At a Mansion.

Hope all are well. Be warm and happy. Merry Christmas.

12.18.08

2008-12-18T16:35:00.002-06:00

Been a rough week. I'm feeling sick and tired and sad. No impetus to be creative.

Thankful for...

A roof over my head.
A job, even if it makes me miserable.
Food to eat.
Clothes to wear.
Relative health.

I should try harder, to tell some better stories, but some days it's one foot, then the other, then the other, then the other.

They say the weather is going to be poor. I wish I could hibernate. I love snow and definitely prefer winter to summer but trudging to the train and back in heavy and or deep snow can be pretty exhausting. It's good for me though.

Courtesy of the Hernandezes

2008-12-16T15:45:00.002-06:00

Straight Edge, Goatee, Black Metal, Halloween. What?

My Christmas Mix For 2008

2008-12-15T11:25:00.005-06:00

Sort of went with a lot of covers this year, but I think it's a pretty good selection. Sorry to audiophiles but this is 128K. Make your own if you need 134,553,754,341 megabite files.

Happy Christmas to all.

Corrected Link

12.10.08

2008-12-10T10:40:00.003-06:00

Gratitude:

The execution of a perfect Christmas gift.
Fresh new snow.
Whole Foods for lunch.
My face hurting from too much smiling.
Six Feet Under.

Charlie Brown Tree 2008

2008-12-09T08:47:00.003-06:00

12.8.08

2008-12-08T16:21:00.003-06:00

Grateful for....

Warmer weather than the weekend
My big dumb Ecko coat that makes me look like an urban Aleut
Burst Of Silence
Pad Thai
Das Good, favorite new band

12.4.08

2008-12-04T09:01:00.002-06:00

Gratitude List:

Mix "tapes" from friends.
Nachos
Will Whitmore
Fanzines
Did The Dishes

12.3.08

2008-12-02T20:48:00.002-06:00

Monday, December 1st 2008. Old Irving Park, Chicago

Giving Thanks

2008-11-26T20:36:00.002-06:00

Wicker Park was completely empty. The park itself. Quiet. Felt like there should have been snow in the ground. I cut through, and got a feeling of... something. Nostalgia... but for what. I stopped a minute and thought about it. Nostalgic for a better life. I want to be in love with life again. I'm thankful for the steps I'm taking to make that happen. Happy Thanksgiving. Love, Mickey

11.26.08

2008-11-26T09:37:00.003-06:00

Gratitude List:

Vegan pizza... specifically bacon + onion.
808's And Heartbreak
Cold and clear days
$50 lap tops
Day off tomorrow

11.24.08

2008-11-24T12:54:00.004-06:00

Decent weekend. Lots of socializing.

Friday... H2O played Reggies. Greg came up from the Quad Cities. It was great to see him. Bane played and they were really bad. I liked their first few 7 Inches and I think I heard their first record, which was decent. Live they had always been fun. I saw them once in the Quad Cities and it was great. This time they were just awful. Seemed really off and it didn't do anything for me. I think there's something to the idea that a band who's been copied as much as they have can end up coming full circle and sounding like an inpspired version of their follower-bands. It was like they were trying to do With Honor or Have Heart or something. Not great.

H2O was fine. They sort of exist and always put on a good show. Toby's slowing down for sure, but still sounds good and they had fun.

Rest of the weekend was spent watching movies, eating with friends and some shopping on Sunday.

Thanksgiving approaches. I am working the Friday after and plan to wear sweatpants to work.

I would wear my Pirate pants but I would need someone to sew the dick hole closed first.

Pirate pants dick hole.

Gratitude List:

I am grateful for the following (in no order):

Double Chocolate Cake from Blind Faith
Netflix via the XBox
Lunch walks
Friends
Mail Order

11.17.08

2008-11-17T09:38:00.002-06:00

I used to think that all of New York was New York City.

I thought the Jackson 5 went to my elementary school, Jackson Elementary.

My parents once took me with them on a trip to Cedar Rapids, IA. When we left I pitched an extremely volatile fit. When they asked me what was wrong, they say I yelled "I thought we were going to see the rabbits."

I used to take the sacrament of Confession and at some point I believed it worked.

I have been in a crypt.

I have seen long DNA ropes of frog eggs just under the water of a fresh spring pond.

I have never touched an ocean, although I've flown over one and seen one at a distance.

I smile at dogs and cats.

I do not particularly care for Raising Arizona.

I have watched a tornado approach, more than once.

I have seen a two headed grass hopper.

First show.

2008-11-15T06:03:00.003-06:00

I was seeing some girl. It was weird. She took me to my first show. The perimeters of that are that it wasn't a concert, and it wasn't big bands. It was one kid who got a call from some other kids who were going to be driving around the country playing music. That kid told that other kid ok.

The show was at a hall called The Apollo which had been a night club in the 70's. Large hall, vaulted ceilings, big dancefloor. I think at that time, and still to this day that the place is owned by a Mexican family. I dated a girl in college who used to go there all the time for weddings. She would just go to them. She was Mexican and they would just get dressed up and on Saturday nights they'd go to the Apollo and just walk in. She would get in fist fights with cholas because she wasn't from around there and was in college.

In any event. This show was my first. A band from Clinton played first or second. The dude brought an outboard motor on stage and tried to get it to turn over. Mic'ed it and everything. They were sludgey. That was the order of the day. Amphetamine Reptile all the way. I met Coby there. I met so many people, significant or otherwise. I met Chris Danae who wore Champion gear, had a shaved head and wore big nike sneakers. He also drank cough syrup by the quart and checked out a few years ago by taking a walk off a roof. It's hard to find a roof big enough in the Quad Cities, but he found it. The Radisson I think. I met some other people. I didn't dance. I sat at a table with the girl and watched. Some kids slammed danced. Every tucked their jeans into their boots and everyone had a flannel around their waste. Lots of the girls had shaved heads, but they would hit you for suggesting it was because "Nothing Compares 2 U" had just charted. Totally non-coincidence.

A band called Sonic Ritual headlined. They were from Nebraska I think. Or one of the Dakotas. They definitely knew their Subpop. They were a pretty solid band. The dude wore a paisley shirt of some kind and absolutely used a mic stand. Kids danced. Circle... bobbing up and down. Seemed like slam dancing in semi-rural Iowa and Illinois was cribbed exclusively from Another State Of Mind, albeit slower.

I got offered all manner of drugs, and got looked at like I was crazy when I passed. I would make excuses. I'm driving. I'm drying out. Never... I'm fucking scared shitless and I don't want to do that.

I could not have put that experience into words, much less web-log words, at that time. It wasn't necessarily the huge blasting the glass ceiling into a million shards thing that some describe... but it was something I'd never felt before. I had just jumped columns.

Weird -> Different.

11.12.08

2008-11-12T10:51:00.003-06:00

My Pa would've been 79 today. Being the son of older folks means my parents were and are like most folks'es grand parents. I would not do it differently if I were given the choice, but I do wonder sometimes.

My dad worked away from home and was gone 5-6 days a week. I was barely out of my teens when he retired, as the result of a second heart attack, and it was definitely a struggle for us come to some understanding about ourselves, and what we meant to one another. The older I got the harder it became to mask my unconventional lifestyle... when I was a young teen I used to put my hair up in the car on the way to a show or hanging out. I remember the first time I saw one of my siblings out somewhere and I had some rediculous punk haircut. My folks never saw that, but I remember when I got into hardcore and shaved my head the first time my dad was definitely scandalized. A shaved head was for prisoners and soldiers. I think most to the tattoos came after he had passed, or at least after he was too sick to care.

I remember the way my dad treated my friends. He was a class act all the way. I had a lot of hardcore bands stay in their basement over the years and there were definitely some memorable encounters. Raeph from Kill Your Idols tried to sell my father a piece of real estate in the Castle Heights area of the borough of Queens. They drank coffee together and talked about big cities. This is a guy at that time in his late 60's sitting down at the breakfast table with a guy in his late 30's (I'm being generous) with tattoos up the ying yang, including the Crumbsuckers cartoon of the kid puking his guts out, on his neck. I also remember the grizzled Belgian roadie/tour manger/booker dude who was dating Fast Ali sitting in that kitchen with my Dad, in a speedo (Rudy not my Pa) cussing up a storm in heavily accented Euro-English. Literally just giving the swears his all. I was mortified, Pa told me later he couldn't understand anything the dude said, except the swears. He just smiled and offered more coffee. And everyone got shown his prized tomato plants.

My parents were gracious, and even if my Dad thought the whole thing was silly, he was always a good host. They loved the kids in my band, and thought that Matt was one of the best. Pa sent me a card when he passed.

I see a lot of kids come and go in my life and I see a lot of people who were raised by folks a lot younger than mine. I see younger generations that have parents who are more like them and I do wonder what it would be like, but really, I'm proud to be my father's son. I always try to do the right thing, and I try to take care of myself and not rely on other people. I try not to think the world owes me something that I didn't earn and I try to be kind to people I meet. I fail often, but I keep trying. My father lived through the Great Depression. His father left him and his brother and sister and took off. They had to fend for themselves. They picked throw-away pieces of coal in the trainyards in Northwest Indiana and later on the north side of Chicago to warm their house. They did not have a lot, but they stuck together. That's what my father taught me. I don't think if that if I was raised by a father that didn't know what it meant to sacrifice everything, I would not be the person I am today.

I worry all the time that I do not do him justice. I worried about it so much as a kid that it made it hard for us to talk. He was not a talker and most of the time all I can do is talk. I never shut up. He kept a lot of stuff bottled up and when we'd argue I'd hear all about what he thought I was doing, and should be doing. Of course when you argue with someone it all sounds like an accusation. In the end we came to understand how we worked, and we had a few years of hanging out together when I would come home to visit, and watching some television and talking about traffic, and the cost of gas. I'd even pretend to care about college sports.

I loved my Pa. We weren't always in agreement but he let me be my own man. That's all anyone can ask for.

The more things change....

2008-11-07T11:17:00.004-06:00

the more they stay the same. Davey Havoc singing Project X... recently at that.

Cribbed from Livewire:

Foreshadowing

2008-11-05T13:24:00.001-06:00

An' you say Chi-City.

2008-10-31T14:33:00.001-05:00

I am fucked up out here boys.

2008-10-27T08:54:00.003-05:00

Happy Halloween, 4 days early or 5 or whatever.

Colin Powell like a motherfucker.

2008-10-20T15:18:00.003-05:00

I was glad I caught this when it was on, but it's still powerful for as a recap. Pretty much says it all, and says it right.

iPod touch.

2008-10-17T22:14:00.001-05:00

Not so hot. (test).

10.17.08

2008-10-17T08:48:00.003-05:00

Dead squirrel on the street on the way to work. Not a stranger to dead animals, in the country where I grew up or in the urban environment I'm in now but this was different. This animal was untouched, no signs of injury or anything. Just laying on it's side, sort of the way a person would sleep. Eyes open and still. No carrion had gotten to it yet, no maggots. No crushed limbs or anything, just seemed like it had laid down and died. Made me sad for a minute, but then I thought, maybe it was just old.

This is the shit that goes through my head.

I am listening to the Bad Brains, because I wore a Bad Brains shirt to work today. I need a new one, this shirt is way old and on its last legs. And because of my belly the square surrounding the building looks more like a pyramid.

The way she goes, boys.

The Cracker Situation

2008-10-13T15:36:00.003-05:00

I've managed to explode a fistful of crackers all over me. Twice. It happened a few days ago, when the trajectory of the crackers I was crushing over a bowl of Chili went fantastically awry. I was frustrated, being covered in crushed saltine chafe, but I cleaned it up and moved on.

Today it happened again. Although the unknown is typically unquantifiable, I am somewhat amazed that this happened to me twice. This time I documented my frustration in pictures. I give you portrait of an angry man covered in crushed saltines:

Life is not amusement to me anymore.

10.13.08

2008-10-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

Columbus Day. 1993 me would tell you about something that I know from the 3 times I've tried to read The People's History Of The United States but ended up devouring 4 or 5 Dragonlance spin-off's instead. In any event it was a quiet walk to the train this morning.

I wonder sometimes if city dogs are self conscious. They are on a leash whenever they go outside, and their handler, if they are responsible, has to pick up their shit. The dog is there, squatting, shitting and some lady in stirrup pants is standing there, inverted Jewel bag already in hand, waiting to scoop up the pile that Mr. Puggles just voided. Sometimes I catch their eye, the dogs, not the handlers. I see that resigned look, and I think "I hear you buddy."

I saw Body Of Lies. It fell into the $10 nap category. I ate at Handlebar twice. I started The Watchmen again. It was warm all weekend. I burned my belly not once but 3 times on the pan of gravy. It's not a long story, but a completely uninteresting one.

My Xbox 360 broke. I bought the replacement plan from Best Buy, one of the few things that I know to not be a scam. I'll have a gift card probably end of this week, early next. After that I'll have a new machine and a new warranty and in two years my machine will break again, I assume.

I, however, have no warranty. I am supposed to renew my pill soon, which means I go to the doctor soon, but I want to go to a new one. My doctor has as much passion for what he's doing as I do for what I'm supposed to be doing, right now.

There's no yelp for health care, as best as I can tell. No biggie, I'll just pick something my benevolent HMO covers and see if I strike gold. Medical gold, that is. Texas tea.

Election's about to get interesting, by the way. 10 points up for Bam Bam. Means the racial divide is about to get real-er.

Buckle up.

The sound of one hand clapping.

2008-10-10T16:17:00.004-05:00

Girl on the bus the other day looked like Natalie Merchant. Even pulling that name from the depths of my thought-hole made me shudder. Before is this whole other world. Before illness, before desperation, before a lot of fucking things. I stole a 10,000 Maniacs tape when I was 16.

The Pivot Point kids must be up to highlights. They're on the train and everybody's flossing some severe arc of color but only a few locks at a time. They look less than B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

What to do.

The word for today is Jay Oh Bee

2008-10-08T11:48:00.003-05:00

I posted this on Livewire, and didn't care to make a whole other post for this, the crybaby corner of my www.homepage-web experience.

Check it out.

So I've noticed that this board is pretty good for real and/or serious questions so I thought I'd ask mine.

I've been at my job for about 5 years and was at the last one 3 years before that. The transition from my old job to my new one was somewhat quick.

Now I need another job. My current employer and I don't see eye to eye anymore and there's some pretty fucked up passive aggressive stuff going on designed, I think, to push me out. Think Milton from Office Space, except I'm a little fatter, have more tattoos and don't have glasses that make my eyes bug out. I do mutter however. I guess the Costanza analogy would apply as well.

In any event, I'm slowly trying to overhaul my resume and am also starting to look around at job stuff but what I'm finding is that it's a whole new world out there.

I need advice. Have you job hunted recently? Are you a head hunter? Got any advice? Best places to look, resume points, whatever... Anything would be appreciated.

Thanks
Mickey

Help me out, 'Merica.

2008-09-30T11:49:00.001-05:00

I've got a $200 credit with Southwest Airlines to blow by November 14th.

Anyone got a recommendation for a cheap destination for a weekend or something? I hate to let something like this go to waste.

Give me some thoughts.

Sarah Palin-Faye

2008-09-30T10:53:00.003-05:00

Come January we're just one Fritter-Finger away from Madame President-arino!

Wouldn't let me embed it, but here's the link.

If it goes down I'll try to find another.

Oh Gampy!

2008-09-18T12:46:00.002-05:00

You So Crazy!

Excited about our new camera.

2008-09-17T08:58:00.002-05:00

Can't you tell?

9.15.08

2008-09-15T09:14:00.002-05:00

Slow, wet weekend.

Eat Club was the Pita Inn/Blind Faith desert roll over. The new Blind Faith layout is weird, but they still have excellent cake, and they had cupcakes also. Good hang, solid conversations. Then Joe carted me off to Jewel where I finally got some of the vegan Doritos. Sweet Chili flavor. It's a double edged sword. You're eating a Dorito, which is good, but the taste assault is a little overwhelming. They sort of override your mouth if you have more than an a few. Sort of the like the Warhead of tortilla chips. Yesterday I saw Burn After Reading, which was bad. I haven't cared for a Coen Brothers' comedy since Lebowski or O Brother, whichever of those was later. It had its moments but it wasn't great. Slept a lot, read some. Played some video games.

Ordered my ticket for Dillinger Four on Friday. I'm enjoying the new record. It will be nice to see them. It will be my first time at the new Bottom Lounge. The old place was ok. I'm a Bingo Hall purist, so I guess nothing will ever really satisfy me, but it should at least be better than Reggies.

The dude abides. Barely.

Who the fuck is Cherly?

2008-09-12T09:01:00.002-05:00

9.11.08

2008-09-11T10:57:00.004-05:00

Ouch.

Tattoo inducing bruise. News to me. Worth it, though.

A Landmine Spring

2008-09-09T09:01:00.008-05:00

Funny that Googles new shitty browser can't even format their own blogging application right. Fuck you Google.

Some pictures.

Already There, Buddy:

Good With Kids:

Invisible Spider Web:

American Steel's Rainy Day:

Epic Irony:

McCain

2008-09-04T12:53:00.013-05:00

This is not a selling point:

"When I think of getting the nomination of the party of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan -- to think that a guy who stood fifth from the bottom of his class at the Naval Academy could get the nomination of his party, of the Republican Party, is quite a phenomenal thing and every once in a while, I do pinch myself," he said.

Get your Patriot Day on.

2008-09-02T08:43:00.005-05:00

Thank fucking God.

Wikipedia says that time of year again. The holidays are up on us and it's time to go out and chop down your Justice Tree and hang some Freedom Fries from it.

In the United States, Patriot Day occurs on September 11 of each year, designated in memory of the nearly three thousand who died in the September 11, 2001 attacks. Yet most Americans refer to the day as "Nine-Eleven (9/11)," "September 11th," "Nine-one-one,"(to a lesser extent) or some variation thereof.

U.S. House Joint Resolution 71 was approved by a vote of 407-0 on October 25, 2001. It requested that the President designate September 11 of each year as "Patriot Day." President George W. Bush signed the resolution into law on December 18, 2001 (as Public Law 107-89). It is a discretionary day of remembrance.

Initially, the day was called the National Day of Prayer and Remembrance for the Victims Of the Terrorist Attacks on September 11, 2001.

On September 4, 2002, President Bush used his authority created by the resolution and proclaimed September 11, 2002 as Patriot Day. He has continued to make similar declarations every year since.

On this day, the President directs that the flag of the United States be flown at half-staff and displayed from individual American homes, at the White House, and on all U.S. government buildings and establishments, home and abroad. The President also asks Americans to observe a moment of silence beginning at 8:46 A.M. (Eastern Daylight Time) marking the first plane crash on Sept. 11, 2001.

Some countries have also shared Patriot Day with the U.S. as well.

Some greeting card companies have released Patriot Day cards, causing controversy.

Despite the law's passage and President Bush's proclamation, the effort to make September 11 a national holiday has been rejected by a few who view the effort as an act of jingoism and "handing the emotional victory over to the terrorists." Specifically, some object to the naming of the day as 'Patriot Day,' as the day is intended as a memorial to the victims of a terrorist attack and arguably has nothing to do with patriotism. Others note that September 11th quickly became a touchstone of patriotism for a nation that pulled together due to the attack, and showing patriotism was part of what memorialized the victims.

Living In America Sucks A Lot But It Could Always Be Worse....

2008-08-27T10:11:00.003-05:00

Cuba detains leading punk rocker. (Via BBC)

The Cuban authorities have arrested one of the island's leading punk rock musicians, Gorki Aguila of band Porno Para Ricardo.

He could face charges of dangerousness, which allow the authorities to detain people who are likely to commit crimes.

According to fellow band members, he was picked up by police at his home in Havana on Monday as the group were preparing to record their latest album.

The group's lyrics are often critical of life on the communist island.

The head of Cuba's illegal, but tolerated, Human Rights Commission, Elizardo Sanchez, confirmed the detention and said that so far no-one has been allowed access to visit him.

Another member of the band, which was formed about 10 years ago, lead guitarist Ciro Diaz, said he was told by the police that the 39-year-old musician would face charges of dangerousness.

Under Cuba's penal code, the charge covers behaviours contrary "to the standards of communist morality".

Habitual drunkenness, drug addiction and anti-social behaviour are all signs of a state of dangerousness, which carries a sentence of up to four years in jail.

There has been no comment on the detention by the Cuban authorities.

It is believed that Gorki Aguila could come before a judge on Thursday, although he has yet to be formally charged.

Googled the band....

So insidious. Again, like I said, it could always be worse.

Last week.

2008-08-18T09:23:00.005-05:00

Went home again.

Hernandez'es very loud Impala.

Mississippi River, Credit Island, South Concord:

Mom, Red Robin, Scott County:

DeKalb Oasis, my baseline appearance these days. Look up defeated in the dictionary:

I walk past these cats pretty much everyday, never noticed the sign. If I had the knowledge necessary to edit this into one of those caption pictures I could make a lot of middle management chubby white women very happy. "We iz not dawgz!" comes to mind.

I always regret writing real things on here. I should be talking about consumables and culture and other fake shit that never seems to make me or anyone else happy. (Are you not entertained?!) but I'm a zombie and I don't have it in me to make something up. Writing seems to help, so yeah... don't say I didn't sort of warn you.

No sleep, no drive, no hope, just the same condition, the same ever present pain. The medicine doesn't do a thing. I need a labotomy... or maybe I need whatever you give people who just get by.

What procedure do they give those people that you see who are just content with everything and don't seem to be sad ever? Can I get that procedure? At this point I'd trade desire, ambition or creativity for the surgery that would just make me not fucking care. Sign me up. I'd rather be souless than hurt. I'll wear sandals, pretend to like sports, make jokes about myself so you feel ok, whatever it takes.

Back home I saw a dude I went to high school with. All I can remember was that he was a baseball nerd. He didn't play the game, but he kept stats on paper. He was easily the plain-est/normal-est person I can remember... and that's saying a lot given that I worked 4 years for the Department Of Defense, which is criminally the providence of the normal. I say criminally because you'd be appalled at the idea that our security, on a national level, is in the hands of some of these people. Those are stories for another time however.

Anyway, this kid thought that anything that wasn't completely normal was some manner of social treason. I remember a Cure t-shirt once nearly sending this kid into fits. At the local ice cream shop this guy was in line with his kids and fittingly gangly, disapproving wife. The dude is likely an accountant, dressed like a gym coach. Totally this dude's MO. Seemed entirely content. Maybe a little annoyed at the scummy tattooed weird/fat people in line in front of him. Otherwise a perfect afternoon out. No recognition, which is good, but it's always a surprise to me that these people even exist. I left that school and never looked back. Part of me always assumed they just sort of disappeared as soon as I walked out the door. Some sort of manifestation of my imagination. All I had was the thick skin and bruises. They shouldn't be... you know?

I guess I should quote some lyrics now or something.

Mother Nature pulls off Operation: Bitch Slap on Wicker Park

2008-08-05T11:16:00.003-05:00

I didn't think to bring my camera, but if I had I would've captured the priceless scene of a car with a nice "God Bless America" sticker in the rear window, completely crushed by the limb of an oak tree.

Jeff Goldbloom was right, suckers.

7.29.08

2008-07-29T11:38:00.003-05:00

What's to say, really? We do the same things day in and day out. We run the same maze. Who knows who's peering over the wall, but if we get the prize, who cares?

Ready For The Rapture Squad 2008

The Mr. Magoo Remake

2008-07-24T11:23:00.001-05:00

Starring Robin "Bad Logan" Skamserz

The 4th

2008-07-08T14:37:00.003-05:00

Iowa's come and gone. It was a nice time. Watched the city fireworks from my sisters back yard Thursday night. Great view. Then Friday at the Hernadez'es we blew lots of stuff up and ate food.

Kris fakes passing out, for some reason, I don't recall the scenario:

The Unicorn Log, which was the grand finale:

Kris hauling ass away from the Battery... which was a square thing that shot a lot of powerful stuff out of it.

Heidi circle pitting the Unicorn Log:

Lots of pictures taken attempting to capitalize on the smoke from recently detonated fireworks. This was an attempt to appear to be hitting a bong. Funnier when it happened....

Another attempt to capitalize on the epicness of the gunpowder smoke:

And another:

We'd been at it awhile before we realized that our disguarded fireworks were being tossed into a pile right next to the propane tank and the gas can. Good times... careful precations:

This was a tube that shot balls of paper machet (sp?) that were packed with gun powder. This thing was bad ass:

Al brought his own spices for his Filet Mignon. Coby brought his 'Flag shirt:

Heidi's sparkler:

Audrey and Coby:

The rest of the weekend was spent hanging out with my mom, friends and family, eating and buying stuff I really don't need. Like a pocket knife, which is already gone.

Until next year....

Scott County Uber Alles

2008-07-03T09:56:00.002-05:00

I'm going to Iowa for the 4th of July. My sister and nephew will be visiting. Looking forward to seeing everyone. I'm bringing my camera, and will be trying to get a picture of a black squirrel for my sleeve. Other than that I'm going to just be hanging around, catching up with folks.

Wizard World

2008-06-30T08:32:00.010-05:00

So the Wizard World convention has come and gone. It was pretty cool. I felt some crowd anxiety but honestly everyone there was such an unabashed maniac that I didn't feel any sort of social awkwardness.

Tons of comics....

There were lots of minor celebrities, and some big names for comic books. No George 'The Animal' Steele, at least that I could see. Lou Ferrigno, The Iron Sheik, Cactus Jack, Virgil and some other wrestler dudes were there. It cost around $20 to have your picture taken with these people so instead I took sneak attack shots like this:

Yes that is a Bears scarf. The Sheik would occasionally loudly proclaim "Number 1 Bear Fan!" to no one, really. Well to his handler I guess. I also snapped this gem:

Really, it isn't a comic book convention unless The Iron Sheik is drinking a 40 out of a plastic Dominic's bag. "Number 1 Malt Liquor Fan!!!"

Lisa got this picture of Brian lloking unimpressed. A lot of comments were made about his European man-bag. It looks more like a sack.

Cactus Jack/Mankind/What's his name... Mick Foley:

Lou Ferrigno looks pretty old.

The stand out for this event clearly was the paying customers who elected to wear costumes.

These people were pretty funny. No idea who they "are" but the girl was laughing because she thought people were done taking pictures. The dude sort of had a Super Erkle thing going on.

Egon Spengler.

Lots of Links and other Zelda related people.

Some Predators:

There were a zillion of the "new Heath Ledger style" jokers, and they all sucked. This was new-jack joker with Judge Dread:

And a pudgier version, one of the weaker ones:

And what I think was an old school Joker kicking it with Superman:

Gotta look a little closely to catch this black, pudgy Joker who's in line for some pizza. He's upstaged by the exasperated Mom who didn't seem to appeciate being in the foreground.

Our buddy Thor from the last blog was living to the max all day. It was pretty cool... I appreciate people that are that stoked to just do something fun.

I missed the gathering of Storm Troopers but I did catch these two Jedis.

And these Storm Troopers:

And this guy who had the "new movies" Obiwan thing going on. He caught me snapping his picture and quickly tried to pose for it. He even offered to pose again, but I said what I had was great. Even Jedi's gotta have some down time:

Finally the stuff I bought. I only bought a few things. The Buddy Christ, which I've wanted for a long time:

A shirt that Alex Ross did. Cooly ironic considering he was also commisioned to design Bush's Presidential portrait.

And finally a DVD from these weird hipsters that were selling some joke Yoga dvd, the old NYHC documentary and this:

All in all, for $25 bucks, it was quite an experience. One area I didn't take pictures of was the Artist's Alley which is where all the indies, artists and small timers were set up. Some really great spirit and tons of punk minded DIY types. It was cool.

Lots of cute girls, sort of the prom for nerd girls. Tons of R. Crumb type girls. It was neat to see so many enthusiastic people.

So yeah... it was a cool time.

Wizard World Prequal

2008-06-28T16:22:00.003-05:00

Expect a bigger blog on this to follow... including a drunken Iron Sheik, but for now I'll give you this teaser.

Nature finds a way.

2008-06-27T13:24:00.001-05:00

Just like Jurassic Park. More curious flood of '08 stories. Like this levee break, caused by muskrats, in Missouri.

6.24.8

2008-06-24T15:25:00.004-05:00

Saturday I'm going to this, where I better see lots of this.

I'm apprehensive. Crowds are really not my thing. The one saving grace is that I'll probably feel like I'm somehow cooler than a lot of these people, because I'm depressed and/or a cynic. I'm not (cooler than anyone... depression I got in spades), but it might give me some degree of separation.

68,000 people last year, I guess? We'll see how it goes. I also don't want to spend a ton of money, but probably will. Maybe on these.

Hate God/Love Minor Threat?

2008-06-19T12:54:00.001-05:00

This is basically your deal, then.

6.18.08

2008-06-18T10:04:00.000-05:00

Work friend sent me this link... these are pretty compelling pictures.

And this story.

Two For Tuesday

2008-06-17T10:40:00.004-05:00

I had hair, and more astonishingly, optimism?

Ruination, Iowa City, IA, 199_? 200_?

Buying shit will never make you happy... unless it's this t-shirt:

2008-06-17T09:37:00.001-05:00

6.16.08

2008-06-16T10:29:00.002-05:00

Listening to Slum Village and grinding out another Monday. I don't want to be this dude for the rest of my life, but I will. Dreams are for suckers. Buy some stuff, you'll feel better. I want to feel alive but I just don't. Running out the slowest clock in the history of the world it seems like. I'd like that to change. I'd like to have something to say, and a mic to say it. Maybe that could happen. It would be hard. We're not in Scott County anymore, and now you're supposed to have the good grace to be embarrased if you care about things, and mortified if you talk about caring about things. Dumb is cool. Smart is passe. Shit, I don't want to be smart, I just want to tell the truth, even if it kills me.

In 1993 Snapcase played near the river at the apex of what was then the worst flood anyone could recall. They bought novelty t-shirts and we leaned over the sandbags to see the muddy water over the street signs and bus stops. 2008 and my niece returned to Cedar Rapids last night. The slu. Who knows what's left there. They think the place they live is ok. I am sure that my favorite musician, and friend, is probably drinking corn whiskey on top of a barn, waiting it out. For a lot of people, for a lot of years, the river has been the great leveller. The common denominator. Build your walls, if you must, but they won't hold. When the levee breaks (Mike Judge version, please) that shit breaks. Nature, as the Jurassic Park dude said, finds a way. Telling times in which to see The Happening. I wanted to cheer for the trees, as I'm usually a harsh critic of humanity, but it's hard when folks don't have a lot to begin with.

Scott County Uber Alles

2008-06-09T05:54:00.003-05:00

I'm home visiting, up at 5:55 to leave about 6:15 to catch a train back to Chicago. I've got observations in spades that maybe I'll post another time, but I just wanted to share this, right quick:

6.3.08

2008-06-03T14:32:00.001-05:00

Hat trick

2008-06-02T15:37:00.005-05:00

Busy weekend, by my standards. 3 shows, multiple dinner, breakfast and lunch dates and a cookout. Friday night was Ceremony at the Galaxie. Weird show. Lots of people, which took Joe by surprise even. All the band folks were nice, but I didn't really get into the music so much. One band, Die Young from Texas, were interesting. Vegan straight edge singer, which was nice, who had really good stuff to say. I appreciated that. The rest of the bands seemed like bands who's members would've been into mosh or youth crew a few years ago who have since expanded their horizons, medicinally perhaps?, and have since gotten into art. Art in and of itself is not bad but art and hardcore rarely seem to gel. Mens Recovery Project comes to mind, not sonically, but in reference to intent. Pick Me Up after the show, where I finally tried the hardline Teese soy cheese product. It was not that hot. Very salty. Not closing the door on it, but my initial reaction was not favorable.

I was up early on Saturday, cleaned and did laundry. Napped in the afternoon and then met up with Big Joe again for the final Punch In The Face show. It was a good crowd but the weather was soooo retardedly nice that I spent most of the show outside on the padio. I caught a moment of Thought Crusade and Cardiac Arrest respectively but didn't see I Attack or Straight Jacket Nation. Saw all of Punch In The Face. The show was good, lots of smiles and stuff. Weird to sit adjacent to the Sycamore/DeKalb people and hear them talk about their kids and grown up lives. I am by no means a hater, I just always feel out of place in those situations. Luckily Grimes and his sketchy Carnivore shirt were there and acted as a buffer. After the show Joe, Grimes and I hit up the Chicago Diner.

Let me tell you something. That place... not good. And the funny thing is, I keep trying. Nice staff, decent service but they keep fucking with the food, and more importantly to a fat man, the portions. Who the fuck takes mashed potatos off the menu when you don't even have the common courtesy to serve fries? They do. Everytime I go there I and whoever I go with swear we'll never go again. I've managed to swear off Soul, Karyns and Earwax, why not the Chicago Diner? What wizard spell has this mediocre over priced joint cast on me? Eh. GROSS WARNING: Although I was exhausted after I got home from the diner I spent easily 3 hours on and off the toilet expelling the most noxious waste from my body. #2. The liquid duke. Fuck you Chicago Diner.

Sunday... slept in. Til 9 AM! Had breakfast at Handlebar with Shortz and then played video games for a few hours. Shortz bailed and Brian came down. We went to the grocery store, grabbed foods and then started cooking out. Nothing exotic... boca burgers, yves veggie dogs, beans, corn, chips and rootbeer. Some friends came through and around 8:15 a flock of us went down to Division and Leavitt to catch Ted Leo And The Pharmacists at the Division Street fair. It was ok. Band was spot on but the crowd was largely disinterested. White hats, chain smoking Wicker Park beer gut girls and glazed over alt-rockers. I did very well maintaining my temper, but it was a chore. Lots of "party.... whoooo!" in effect.

Came home, did a very basic straightening up of the post-cookout bombshell that was my apartment and then went to bed.

Dragging ass at work today. Rough Monday, foul mood, and lots of inane questions. I will be glad to leave. Tonight I've got to take a bunch of pictures of records I'm selling on Ebay to finance some projects... my sleeve and if all goes well a new PC. Mine's about to tank.

Not very net-present these days. I'm not interested in a lot of the bullshit I read and I'm feeling like I need real human contact. Had a good conversation with Caution on Friday... told him how a few people have asked "where I've been" purely in relation to the fact that I don't appear on my usual www haunts. He was pissed... said something to the effect of "Man! If so somebody asked me where I'd been because I hadn't been on the fucking Internet I'd be fucking pissed." Come to think of it, I am.

It's a computer... or rather a bunch of computers tied together via soup cans on strings. Get over it.

RIP Beard

2008-05-28T13:05:00.003-05:00

Oh Lord.

Holy Moley.

Everlast - Drown The Self

2008-05-23T22:13:00.003-05:00

Chicago Vegan Straight Edge, circa 1993? 1994? I don't know if anyone who was in this band would cop to it now, having gone on to play in luminaries like Tusk and Racetraitor, but the Everlast record was always a favorite of mine. In some ways it was ahead of its time, in others it was right on point. A little dark, very mosh, but also sort of atmospheric at times. I guess that sounds cheesy when describing a record with a groove part in it that would make the cow sampled on the Daltonic 7 inch blush... but I digress. This is a good record.

Download it here.

My Bush Check

2008-05-22T07:26:00.000-05:00

BUSH CHECK UPDATE:

I'm off these headphones already. They would be great for someone looking for rich sound at a small price, but for me, a real nerd about this shit, obviously, they just don't have the kick. So I'm moving on... Not sure to what, if anything. My existing 'phones still work, I just sort of decided they looked weird and fit a little strangely. But all in all, they don't seem to be able to be beat. So I'm staying, I think.

Another dent in the Bush check last night, when I bought this vacuum.

As vacuums go it was cheap, but it seems to pick up cat hair well. Someone's been shedding, but you didn't hear that from me.

New Total.... $402.24... Somehow I think that's high. I've missed something.

BUSH CHECK UPDATE:

My new headphones have arrived. What's up with this dude:

Also, I ordered some records. The invasion and Wako Fuck lps, The Breaks, Trapped Under Ice, Deep Sleep and Double Negative 7 Inches. The Double Negative 7 Inch warranted some pictures I thought. It's an all clear record. Upon first inspection I thought that it was screened on one side, but that's just the stencil. And that is a stencil, meant to be punched out, hence the perforation, and spray painted. Very cool.

BUSH CHECK UPDATE:

Sadly, the replacement board for my music hard drive didn't seem to do the trick. So $46 dollars of the Bush check went for nothing... but really, isn't everything nothing?

BUSH CHECK UPDATE:

I bought a pair of headphones this weekend... at Target (First chink in the armor, Ted) and they broke BEFORE I left the store. It's really not worth telling but suffice it to say I've since made a few BUSH CHECK purchases....

2) $9.87 for two pairs of 63" shoe laces, one grey, one red. This included shipping.

3) $27.89 for these bad boys...

Balance: $516.24 (I was able to successfully return my Sony ear beads... again... not cool.)

ORIGINAL POST:

Chickened out on donating my Bush check to Obama or some charity. Instead I think I'll try to itemize it's expense....

1) $46 for a Maxtor board for my old music hard drive off of Ebay. Going to try and recover my music. Considering that one of those companies that will do this for you, that you send away the drive to, would charge me hundreds... I figure that $46 bucks and a lunch for the dude at work that's going to help me is a fair trade, even if it doesn't work.

2) $48 for a pair of Sony in ear headphones. These will be returned sometime today. I'm off ear beads forever, I am somewhat embarrassed I even tried. Ear beads? Give me a break, what's next, sandals? (See 1998 for reference.) SIDEBAR: The search for respectable over the ear cans is still on, yet without input.

Balance: $554 (Assuming Best Buy doesn't have some no-return ear beads policy. Which if they do, I assume you can put the balance of my bush check to bail and or a bondsman.)

I'm humbled by this.

2008-05-14T09:19:00.003-05:00

Was tipped to this by a work friend, and it's one of the neatest things I've seen in a long time. Probably old news, like I care.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Headphones

2008-05-08T15:17:00.004-05:00

So I use my Ipod daily and how the sound gets to me ears from that little machine's sort of important to me.

So... headphones. What do you use, and why?

I am have been thus far a fan of over-the-ear "cans", big headphones that cover the whole ear. The pair I use currently are ok but are not that comfortable. The other pair I have sound great, feel ok but are "open" headphones meaning the speaker is not encased. This provides a far better sound but it's real loud for folks around me. I'm not a total ingrate so that is an issue for me.

I've been reading about different headphones lately and am thinking about trying something that goes in the ear. Normally these don't work so well for me... as they tend to hurt my ear-holes... which, albeit the rest of me, are small.

So again, what do you use, and why... and... was it much thought for you?

Thanks in advance.

5/5/08

2008-05-07T14:16:00.006-05:00

"I am standing on the threshold of another trembling world. May God have mercy on my soul."

Ted Leo, or rather his website, reminded me that Monday was the 27th anniversary of the passing of Bobby Sands.

I thought this was a well done montage of events:

Paul Bearer

2008-05-02T11:24:00.006-05:00

There's few unsung heroes in this internet age when anyone can drum up a few digital gold stars for themselves. As such, I think that Paul Bearer, the singer of Sheer Terror, may go down as one. Ugly, unloved, oft unappreciated by a legion of kids who wanted a tough skinhead fist fighter and got instead a scarred, ironic bard. Some funny shit there. I am sure this guy could give two shits about credit but I can't help but believe that if you'd knocked his timeline back 20-25 years and put him in Greenwich Village with a type writer instead of out on Long Island with a microphone I wouldn't be singing the praises of someone dismissed as "just" a hardcore singer. You would.

"As you poured your heart out, I poured myself another drink. Too callous to give a damn. Too callous to even think. You felt electricity. I only felt a draft. You cried when the hero died. I couldn't help but laugh. And Lulu Roman sang of Jesus and the Lord. You felt the whole thing "too bizarre" I was only bored. Now you're talking birthstones, I'm thinking headstones. Anything just to agree "would you go to bed with me?" Tell me what you want to hear and I'll tell you all I know. I found my soul, but lost my heart many years ago. I'm looking for an ashtray, you're looking for your shoes. We started off with so much to gain, but even more to lose. You wanna make some coffee, I wish that you'd make tracks. We both had good intentions, but they just fell between the cracks. And in the morning when you remember me, you'll hate me as you did before this ever came to be. And Lulu Roman sang of Jesus and the Lord. You felt the whole thing "too bizarre" I was only bored."

This Is Springfield... Not Shelbyville

2008-04-30T11:36:00.003-05:00

Not sure if this has stood the test of time or not but this compilation was put out in the mid-late 90's by, I think, Change fanzine. Check it out.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/ojwswp

Vegan Taco Pizza

2008-04-30T10:44:00.003-05:00

I made it. We ate it. It was good.

Ingredients:

Whole foods brand pizza crust.
3/4 cup of pizza sauce mixed with 3/4 cup of medium salsa.
1/2 cup of black beans.
1 cup of browned Morningstar or Boca fake ground beef.
1/2 cup of browned Soyrizo (Amy's or or otherwise)
1/2 a cube of Follow Your Heart Mozzerella Cheese
1/4 a cube of Follow Your Heart Nacho Cheese
Shredded Lettuce
Diced Tomatos
Tofutti Sour Cream
Crushed Tortilla Chips

Alternately you can include diced onions, jalapenos and diced black olives if you care to.

How to:

1. Preheat over to 420 Degrees (Woo Hoo 420!).
2. Put the pre-made pizza crust on a baking tin.
3. Mix the pizza sauce, salsa and black beans.
4. Spread them the crust, leaving 1/2 to 1 inch edge.
5. Mix the fake beef and soyrizo together. Sprinkle the fake beef/soyrizo liberally over the sauce. If you're gonna do onions I'd add them now as well. Dont' forget to keep the 1" crust border.
6. Shred the cheeses liberally over the top.... again mind the border.
7. Bake for 20-25 minutes... depending on your oven. The idea here is to cook everything but the Cheese.
8. When the crust has browned and is firmed throughout (you could test by lightly lifting with a spatchula) turn the broiler on. At this point you should be attentive because when the cheese melts it'll do so quickly... and you don't want to burn it.
9. After the cheese is uniformally melted turn the oven off. Let pizza sit in the warm oven 10 minutes or so... until the cheese is somewhat hardened.
10. Spread some Tofutti sour creme over the cheese.
11. Add lettuce, Tomatos and the crunched up tortilla chips on top. Also add the black olives and or jalapenos if you're so inclined.
12. Listen to Los Crudos.
13. Eat.
14. Circle Pit.

Shit was gooooood. I'll update with the pics I took when I get home.

Spring Done Sprung

2008-04-28T09:19:00.004-05:00

In a matter of a day, or two. Spring, albeit a short one I assume, is here. I'm into it, until it ends and the sweltering starts.

This just in.

2008-04-21T11:15:00.001-05:00

Chelsea Clinton looks like a Jackal. Or what would come out if a Jackal and Hyena did what Bill and Mondo did, whoopy.

She's American's little "oh that's too bad" moment, forever.

Bleh Fuck

2008-04-21T10:51:00.003-05:00

I guess the gods of blogging thought fit to smack my head against the wall for posting about music and being upbeat about it, as they sought fit to kill my external hard drive thus depriving me of 90 gigs of music. All my digital music. I ripped and sold most of my cd's... 90% I'd say a few years go so this hard drive represented the fruits of that process as well as my downloading for the past 5 years or so. I have some DVD data disc back-ups but mostly I'm fucked.

I bought a new hard drive this weekend, as well as a bunch of shit I probably don't need, including what is now my fifth pair of shoes I haven't taken out of the box. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs but apparently shoes... that's my Surp.

Frustrated about the music, but I will rebuild. Bigger, stronger, smarmier. Maybe with less filler.

Anyways, if you know me, like, in real life, and want to let me pillage your collection, kindly hollar.

Bleh. Ffffff. Oh well.

It's been....

2008-04-18T13:35:00.008-05:00

It's been a download day. I've been going crazy. I scored both RA The Rugged Man records, the Casual record, an Antipop Consortium Record and some other stuff. I found a 90's Hardcore blog that's great. I am currently downloading both the Ebullition XXX comp and the Land Of Need World Of Greed comp on Watermark. I got those on record but it's awesome to be able to fuck with some Avail covering Embrace on the train. Check it... 90's Hardcore. For some great hip hop check this out... or just listen here.

I'll never stop loving the 90's hardcore scene, which for me encapsulates the late 80's as well. There's warring opinions on that era I know, but it was my time. There's old heads that want to pretend that the 90's didn't happen in light of the faster, rawer 80's era and then there's new bloods that hate any sort of back in the day shit. I can feel that, but this was my time. I don't see it so much as living in the past as I do reconnecting with family. I felt alive then. I felt like things could really be better. I hadn't been crushed by loss and being institutionalized, I stilled remembered my dreams.

I hear these songs now and I'm humbled. And that's not just hardcore. Hearing any snippet of the first Snoop record, Doggy Style takes me back to working at Coop when we stayed open until Midnight to sell that shit and dudes were throwing signs across the store and shit was heated. Hearing anything off of Pegboy's Strong Reaction will take me back to seeing that band play at Summerfest in Iowa City and meeting Knuckles and Matt Davis, both of whom went on to be not only peers but dear friends, sworn brothers and in Matt's case a band mate. Hearing Ministry's "Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste" reminds me of going to the record store before I ever worked there and Gary Heitman schooling me on music. Gary then triggers a zillion Uncle Roscoe's memories including the sychronized circle pit phenomenon I've not seen anywhere else. House Of Large Sizes played so often that three hundred kids could circle pit to their songs and know exactly where the break was coming so they could drop to a creepy crawl before popping back up for when the shit kicked in again. That reminds me of one New Years Eve when Chris Bernett (sp?) came out to sing for Tripmaster wreathed in Christmas lights.

Hearing Operation Ivy reminds me of buying Energy used on record because of the cover art. Being curious about the new things I was hearing and hearing about eves dropping on cooler punks at the mall. This leads me to remembering the first time Greg Thompson talked to me. I was a record store regular by then, was already sneaking into Stickman's for the punk night on Wednesday but hadn't really ever talked to the dude... despite knowing who he was. Some hype was in the store and acting crazy, I was in the back looking at the industrial records and after tossing the dude Greg remarked to me, probably because I was the only one in the store, that that dude was out of his mind. This coming from a shaven headed tough looking white kid in a Mingus t-shirt. I kid rumored to have been arrested on the job because he fought the cops who came to answer a neighbor complaint of him bumping Public Enemy too loud. It wasn't long before I was over to his apartment getting played the records that would change my life. Same kid shaved my head foe the first time. In 1992, that was some right of passage shit. Not to get all back in the day on anyone, but it wasn't common then, so it really said something. Boots and a shaved head meant you were different.

Thinking about that leads me to Greg outside of the record store taking a smoke break and pulling up weeds from the sidewalk, having a bad day and talking about wanting to move to the Bay Area because that's where Monsula was, and that's where real music was happening. Me thinking I'd never leave.

Thinking about leaving reminds me of when I did. In '96, at the height of so much going on in my young life. Leaving behind a girl that didn't "feel that way" and a group of friends so close as to more family than anything. I left to make my way in the world. Bunking with my brother for a year in Green Bay, WI which was so polarizing-ly different that I am surprised I lasted a year much less a month.

This leads me to remember the weeks before I chose to move, when I went to visit and was blown away by a house show where bands of substance played and all these seemingly rad, DIY minded straight edge kids were in attendance. A week later I'm told they all moved away en masse. Every single one. The town was left with a pop punk scene hundreds of teens strong as well as a predeliction for saying faggot all the time. I was pole-axed by isolation.

Lots of memories. It was a good time.

Twelve o'clock
And I'm still not dressed
I'm trying to bleed onto paper
But time is not impressed

What Can I do?

Trying to pull out my feelings
But they're deep beneath the day
Time, time, time, time, time
Has hidden them away

What can I do?

I want my jealousy
But he's fast asleep
I cry for my sadness
But he's too tired to weep
I confront my antagonism
But he only agrees
I wish for my vision
But he's not telling me
What he sees

What can I do?

Happy is too neutral
And I know I'm not content
I still don't want to go
Where the others went

What can I do?

I'm pissed at my anger
But he don't want to fight
I turn to my conscience
But he just thinks I'm right
My insecurities
They got nothing to hide
My emotions are my enemies
For being on my side

What can I do?

Give me back my feelings
Won't you give them back to me
Give them back

Hillary

2008-04-17T13:11:00.001-05:00

4.9.08

2008-04-09T13:31:00.006-05:00

The April showers adage has been in full effect. Wet and cold. I'm still sick, hasn't ramped up to the full thing yet but it's sort of holding tough at sore ears, cough and mild congestion. The weather see-saw can't be helping.

I haven't been sleeping. Worry and sickness makes me zonk out early, wake a few hours later and feel like shit for the rest of the night. I never want to do anything in these periods. I will try to read but nothing seems too compelling at 3 am when you're sick and lonely.

I want to get out. I need a vacation. I need a relocation and a vacation. I need a lot of stuff. I have a credit with Southwest... that airline that flies junk planes and seems to cross their fingers. Where, when and how should I use it?

Pray tell, reader!

Some time ago, maybe 1/2 way into my time as an Ipod-er, I made a playlist for my music machine that only plays songs that have never been played before. In the beginning it's exciting... lots of stuff has never been played before. But get into it awhile and suddenly it's a different animal altogether. That Front 242 record seemed like a good idea at one time. Or that alt-pop record that blogger x proclaimed to be the best thing since things done got best-ed, that seemed solid too. It's fun at work, especially when 2 Live Crew comes on while I'm tech-supporting some schlub from the Upper Peninsula or the Panhandle. The Beatnuts "Fuck, Drink Beer and Smoke some Shit!" was pretty big when the mail lady came around. She loves the hell out of some Jesus. No point to this really, except to point out the randomness of life.

On the train I never use this utility. I can't think it would at all do me any good to hear Tegan And Sara on the fucking Blue Line. Going to work I usually listen to my Sad Songs playlist. Coming home it's often "Awesome shit to listen to while walking." AC/DC quickens the step.

Really though, it's all just buyin' time, on credit no less.

When Cats Lay Up In The Cut

2008-04-07T12:36:00.002-05:00

Kills me!

4.3.08

2008-04-07T09:27:00.004-05:00

Sedate weekend. VeggieBite and the Battlestar Galactica season 4 premier on Friday night. It was ok. The special effect are way serious this season. We'll see about the current story arc... although Eddie J was a savage this week.

Nice weather Saturday. Nice walk to Handlebar, decent breakfast. Didn't do much else with my day. Laundry, some cleaning. I'm starting to get another cold... which blows my mind as I just got over a pretty serious bout of cold and flu. Watched the Lord Of The Rings extended DVD's off and on this weekend, as well as episodes of Arrested Development and Chappelle's.

Sunday I felt a little better in the morning. Cleaned some more, went to wash a pillow only to find that one of the life champs that lives here seemed to attempt to wash a mummy at some point this weekend. All these tiny bits of paper or cloth or something coating the inside of the washer. I swear these gypsies will be the death of me. Afternoon went to Whole Foods with Stormtrooper. Went to some southside location that was literally on the corner of Roosevelt and Canal. The Canal Street market was in full effect. When I first moved here you would go down there and it was a total third world country at that market. It still is but it's like they confined the third world to one block of one street and surrounded it with Whole Foods, Target, Pet Stores and other white refinements. Bizarre.

Came home, took a nap, made dinner and tried to watch John Adams. This week was pretty boring, but the cough in my chest was also a distraction.

Bed early.

My Beard From the Belly up.

2008-04-03T11:29:00.003-05:00

Muppet City

Chicago Straight Edge

2008-04-03T11:25:00.004-05:00

I had these made. Get in touch if you want one.

Blacklisted: Heavier Than Heavan, Lonier Than God

2008-03-26T08:50:00.004-05:00

Blacklisted is an interesting animal to me. They command a fierce loyalty among a lot of people I know. I own all of their records. I've seen them play a bunch of times and yet I come away from their shows and listening to their records with total ambivalence. It's not that I dislike Blacklisted, it's more that I don't fucking love Blacklisted the way a lot of people I know do. I am unique in that feeling, and was actually hoping to be swayed by this new record.

Heavier Than Heaven, Lonelier Than God is just shy of 20 minutes long. It's well recorded and it's clear listening to it that the band is in top form. They're tight and the delivery on each song is pretty fucking slick. The record is divided evenly between fast, fairly straight forward hardcore parts and a slower, head nodding riff heavy sound. Not so much in a breakdown/mosh part sort of way but more in a ... yikes... groove sort of way. The two sounds work well together and to the uninitiated this might sound like a fresh take on the stanard hardcore formula.

And that's the thing. There's a whole sector of the hardcore populous that will hear the heavier moments on this record and think them totally original. To me this record doesn't sound new as much as it sounds like the combination of a hardcore record and something that would've come out on Amphetamine Reptile records fifteen or so years ago. For you youngin's the early 90's grunge scene had a predecessor and contemporary in a sound that was mostly referred to as the AmRep sound. AmRep was a Minneapolis label known for heavy, noisy bands. Helmet was the most successful band of this sound, and as such I could just as easily say that this new Blacklisted record borrows heavily from them, but it's more than that. The whole groove/bouncing/bottom end sound comes from the AmRep style as a whole. Where Blacklisted change it up with bursts of manic speed, most of your AmRep bands would've just kept plodding along... slow and angry. It's an interesting mix and it works well I am just curious if it will be touted as something new.

This is a good record. Repeat listens will determine if it's a great record. I wasn't as immediately blown away as I'd hoped to be, but I find myself listening to the record again every few days, which is more than I can say for a lot of things.

www.deathwishinc.com
http://www.myspace.com/blacklisted

Saint Patricks

2008-03-19T13:04:00.004-05:00

I think that this blog began after my annual trip home to Davenport for Saint Patrick's Day. If it doesn't, sorry, read something else. I am sure someone I link to has something worth your time. Shortz may have a saucy expose on how shit in England is different than shit in America. By shit I mean fast food, gambling and sneakers.

Still with me? Ok.

My dad passed on March 17th, 2004. My family is Irish.... as much as any 3rd or more generation fat American's can be really... and although we were never gung ho about it, there was always Colcannon on the day, as well as corned beef. Those mucking about the house were treated to an Irish standards piano recital courtesy of Mary Murphy/Gadd/Nolan.

When my Dad passed, and so fatefully on the 17th of March at that, we became pretty fucking Irish. The first year many of my brothers and sisters gathered on that day in our home town. We hung out with Mom, went to bars where I watched my Mom and siblings drink and then ended up at the grave where my fathers' ashes are interned. The rest of it gets a little weird. At exactly 4pm everyone who drinks cracks open a can of Budweiser, takes a drink and pours the rest out in proximity to the grave while humming the theme to Jeopardy. My Pa was a man of routines and one of his favorites was to sit down promptly at 4pm and consume the 2 beers he was allowed per day while watching the show. It's a weird tradition I know, but it works for us. After humming the "time is running out better phrase your answer like a question, fuck-tard" song we sit for a moment and quietly think about our Pa. Some speak to the grave, others reflect. Mom then starts to sing Danny Boy, which this year caused a snicker between my oldest brother and I because we'd both read the same AP blurb about how that song was written by an Englishman and was banned in some famous bar in Boston for not only being not Irish but in fact being sad as shit. It is, especially when my increasingly frail Ma is sitting in her walker singing it over the grave of my Pa, who worked about 55 of his 75 years and all for a sense of responsibility I sometimes wonder if any of us inherited. I cry a little at that, shame and pride I guess, a man who gave everything to keep a wife and seven fucking kids afloat and never asked for anything more than 2 beets and 30 minutes a day with Alex fucking Tribek.

So that's our tradition.

That and the Saint Patrick's Day parade in downtown Davenport. The parade is held on whatever Saturday is closest and consists of a ramshackle assortment of retards and schools and Scottish bag-pipers. Things of note this year were the anti-war people marching right before the Marines, a group of fat role playing gamers dressed like Braveheart who represented some manner of Celt viking club and some Norwegians, also viking-ized who copped to snatching St. Patrick up before he made it to Ireland. In some fashion he therefore is responsible for Jesus in Norway... which I guess then makes him responsible for Varg Vikernes and all that retarded shit. Way to go, Paddy. I would like to lay the appearance of the obnoxious shitty Jimmy Buffet people at his feet also but Dirty (Cheese) Burger in Paradise came after that wayward Roman wandered across the Irish sea and set about fist fighting druids all day. But seriously, fuck Jimmy Buffet and his uncooked whole potato throwing fan club on their fucking float that looks like Alice In Wonderland crashed into the Hannah Barbera back lot. I shit you not. Old ass white assholes in cabana wear are not cool. Fuck your potatoes.

That's me and my brother and his son leaning over.

The Hernandez'es

Yes that yahoos truck is made up to look like a horse.

Corey and his daughter. That's no soul patch... I'm talking chin strap. Dude looks like a mythical Irish gold stealing little hat and belt wearing... what are they called...

Don't ask me why the fucking Eastern bunny is chasing Saint Patrick.

Aside from that my weekend was spent catching up with various friends, searching out the ever shrinking vegan food options, shopping, non-ironically playing Dungeons and Dragons and finally helping my mom find an apartment to move into. After a few years in the north she's moving back to our home town and into a pretty cool apartment at Marycrest which was an all girls Catholic University many years ago and has since been converted into subsidized senior housing. The apartment we like for her was in a classroom. 1500 square feet with huge ceilings, business grade internet and cable for very cheap. It's a beautiful campus and all of the people seemed very friendly.

I came back to Chicago with a back that is more sore than when I left (sometime last week I slept wrong pulled a muscle or something... been struggling since). Going back to work has sucked but that's life... such as it is.

I hope those of you that keep the feast kept it well and had a good time.

2.29.08

2008-02-29T12:15:00.003-06:00

Greetings on a day that doesn't exist. Isn't leap day supposed to bring swarms of aliens, time/space/quantum/who-sits/what-nots and whatevers? I guess not.

So those unfortunate enough to spend QT with the real me will know I've been complaining of mild cold and flu like symptoms all winter. I seem to always have a little something. Well this week all those little fuckers formed a posse and/or Votron of epic illness proportions. I've have been sick as a dick growing on a tit all fucking week.

Feeling extra sorry for myself, feeling particularly shitty and finally, at the end there, succombing to a periodic Nyquil coma. Sorry edge, medicine was finally needed. I finally got some sleep and now here I am, back in my cubicle, cryinig when no one is looking sniffling a fucking lot. Business is... I'd say... 50% usual.

Wrote a 'Come To Jesus' email today. Sort of cathartic. Wish I had it in me to declare an amnesty... but old wounds still burn. I don't know what I'm saying... it's uh... yeah... the fever talking.

I miss life. I am ready for spring.

I had to return my boots to Moo Shoes... they were peeling? Any of you vegans ever get that with Vegetarian Shoes UK brand shoes? These were made of the Vegetan and within a week they looked like they had gotten sunburned black on black. The makers directed me to the seller and now they're on the UPS truck back to Manhattan. I hope for the best, and fear the worst.

Going to Iowa for Saint Patrick's again this year. Family and friends, the memorial of my dad's passing. It's a tradition now I guess.

Not much else to report. I miss you.

10 Songs

2008-02-15T08:46:00.003-06:00

On the message board I frequent there's a group of folks posting 'mixtapes' sort of... 10 songs they're into. Mine is here:

http://download.yousendit.com/E81C40FA27377769

Or

http://rapidshare.com/files/92011436/10_Songs.rar.html

Two fer Monday (Now with pizza pictures)

2008-02-11T16:47:00.001-06:00

Best pizza I ever made.

1. Whole Foods' new pre-made natural crust.

2. Sauce... in this case I used Ragu, but any cheese free will work.

3. Sauteed diced onions in a little garlic.... throw the skin in there.

4. Bacon bits.

5. Follow Your Heart Mozzerella.

6. 450 Degrees for 20-25 minutes, your oven to spec.

(I burned this one just a little... I like a crunchy crust. Hate the player, not the game).

Over the ramparts....

2008-02-11T14:50:00.000-06:00

Still here. Still cognizant of this page. I ain't gone anywhere, yet. I guess winter is really kicking my ass this year. Very negative, very hopeless. Figure I can shine it on until spring. Feel like weather, darkness, work and loneliness are the Picts assailing the ramparts and I'm the lone sentinel. A fat one at that. Miss someone.

Stay tuned?

PS - Weird that people link me and I don't know 'em... or know of 'em. Wish this was anonymous.

I did go a weekend or so ago to Milwaukee to see Dillinger Four.

Here's the thing. Really genuine music... even if to others it's silly or predictable or whatever... really good music will get me. Shot to the gut, every time. It's cathartic, but also almost always sad.

It's weird to be ducking my head behind a guitar cabinet to wipe away tears when there's also a big dumb grin from ear to fucking ear. But, you know, that's just me.

Stay up.

Impulse Manslaughter

2008-01-31T08:49:00.000-06:00

I don't claim to be versed in Chicago metal history but this made me happy today.

1.30.8

2008-01-30T13:40:00.000-06:00

Been meaning to write something substantive but this week was a successive round of kicks to the teeth that've left me so sad and demoralized I don't even know.... in the meantime I want to talk politics for a moment.

Like a lot of things in my life I often know what I do not want, moreso than I do. I do not want Hillary Clinton to be the democratic nominee for president. I sort of liked John Edwards but he dropped out today, which is a little sad.

Not sure how I feel about Barack but I feel like he'd be better than another insider... and Hillary's just too butch for my liking. That and she whipped the ole' checkbook out every time the Silverback Shitmonkey came knocking at the kitchen door, hat in hand, looking for a handout to go buy some more little green plastic army mens.

So I'm concerned. I don't know what to make of this stuff, and I wish I did. I may not vote if it comes down to Hillary and John McCain's old mummy ass. Or if it's close I guess I'll have to vote for the lesser of two evils... the lesser of two mildly retarded, beligerant evils.

I hope I'm wrong.

I don't want to be Maverick's wing man, Iceman.

2008-01-17T14:42:00.001-06:00

Coo-coo-ca-razy!

More nonsense....

2008-01-14T10:52:00.000-06:00

I can feel another epic sad sack disgorging working it's way through the pipes... stay tuned. In the meantime... meet Twyla:

Another thing to waste some time on....

2008-01-09T14:07:00.000-06:00

Spouting off, with authority.

Tired, old dick head.

2008-01-07T14:18:00.000-06:00

Pop-pop get treat? (Click on it to make it legible.)